This week I have been wrestling with friendship...what it means to be a friend and how it affects my friendships.
One of today's lectionary readings is from John 15:9-17. In this passage, Jesus does not call his disciples servants, he calls them friends. He tells them that the greatest love you can give a friend is to lay down your life for them -- an obvious foreshadowing of the sacrifice that Jesus will make for all of us. Because Jesus has shared what he has learned from God with us, we can be called his friend. Over a month ago, I selected the anthem that our choir sang today -- "What A Friend!" by Don Besig & Nancy Price. This has been one of my favorite anthems for over 20 years. It incorporates the hymn "What A Friend We Have in Jesus" with an original text: "When you feel discouraged, when you're lost and alone, ask the Lord to help you. He will claim you as His own. If you need to find an answer, he will hear your silent prayer. Anywhere life leads you, you will find Him always there." Little did I know when I picked this anthem how significant the words of this anthem and the text of this scripture would be for me this week.
According to my Facebook page, I have over 500 "friends." Are they
truly friends or are they just acquaintances that I have passing
relationships with or are "friendly" with? So what's my criteria for calling someone a friend? To be honest, it's probably NOT whether they love others, but whether they love me and I can find it in myself to love them in return. The dictionary defines a friend as a person who you like and enjoy being with, a person attached to you by affection or esteem, a favored companion. I can count on one hand the number of true friends that I have -- those that understand where I've come from, believe in where I am going in my life, accept me for who I am, and can remind me of who I am and why I am their friend. Unfortunately, most of these friends are miles away from me and I don't get to see them very often. I don't get to look into their eyes and see the genuine friendship that we share or hear their voice and the joy they have when they are with me. The rest of those 500+ friends? I have to accept the fact that they are just acquaintances who I have a friendly relationship with. But to those who I truly count as friends, I feel that I have not lived up to the true meaning of a friend. I have not been a good listener, I have not made them a priority in my life, and I have not reciprocated their friendship to me. I can truly say that I have been discouraged and, yes, felt alone this week. And I have been on my knees on numerous occasions this week asking the Lord for help. And as always, I struggle with surrendering my needs to God. But today's promise from Jesus that he laid down his life for me, that he will always love me, and that he will always be my friend gives me the hope I need to become a better friend.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I
no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his
master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything
that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
